I live in NY. My son's father and I were not married when my son was born and he is not listed on my son's Birth Certificate. I did establis...

Question

I live in NY. My son's father and I were not married when my son was born and he is not listed on my son's Birth Certificate. I did establish legal paternity and was awarded a court order for child support which my son's father has been paying. My son's father paid for 3 years of tuition at a private religious nursery school. Kindergarten was awful and uncomfortable for my son at the local public primary school (part of a school district which is notoriously recognized as one with many problems) and I pulled him out of 1st grade this year after 3 wks because of documented abuses which were rampant both in the school and on the bus. My son's father refused to pay for private school so I had no choice but to file the necessary documents for Homeschooling. My son is gifted and extremely mature for his age (nearly 7), both academically and intelectually, and a private school environment would be most academically and behaviorally appropriate for his needs and abilities. Though my son's father is a successful highly educated executive who can more than afford to pay for private school, he fundamentally rejects any notion that our son "needs a private school". Both of his adopted children from his current marriage (ages 19 and 15) have been provided private school educations by him since Kindergarten and his youngest is presently attending a fancy prep school so clearly it is not a matter of rejecting the value of a private eucation or not being financially able to pay. I know that the main two motivators in not supporting what he surely realizes would be best for our son comes from a resentful edict from his wife and a protective irrational desire on his part that our child not outshine his other two children, who are troubled students and never without problems but what has that got to do with my child's potential? Our son has demonstrated tremendous academic abilities and would benefit best, both academically and socially, by the opportunity to attend a private school which can challenge him and nurture his legitimate abilities. Though my son is doing well with Homeschooling and it has been my pleasure to spend the time with him teaching him and helping him to grow, I know it is in his best interest to be assimilated back into a traditional school setting among peers who share his acumen in an environment which nurtures his his fertile mind. I also NEED to be working, which I cannot presently do as I am charged first and formost with providing all of my son's education now as well as his care! Having reached a complete wall in terms of my numerous founded and well supported pleas that my son's father be reasonable and do the right thing, I am now additionally charged with finding the resources to fund private his schooling for the fall. It is abundantly clear to me that my son's father is entrenched in the ignorance of double standard and fear of his wife but last night he told me that the reason he has withheld even those additional financial enhancements that he HAD BEEN providing is because he is "going to squeeze (us) out" of our house. Since I have not been working, he knows that this is the very worst time to cut us with financial extortion, but that is what he has been doing. For months. Until last night I had not even heard from him since before Thanksgiving! Please tell me whether you feel I would have a meritorious shot at imploring a court to compel his support of providing the private educational environment which my son clearly needs if he is to reach is full potential or receive a successful educational experience. (Would it alter your opinion to know that he brags about having resources and political connections while I cannot even afford to hire a lawyer?) Thank you for your reply. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts and insight.

Answer

You should consider bringing this matter back to Family Court for an upward modification of child support. You can attempt to demonstrate that the father has established a level of support by providing support for the private preschool and the needs of the child based upon is financial capability to pay. It is a long shot but you have nothing to loose. If you can afford it, you should attempt to get an attorney to assist you.